On language problems here in the US

You might have thought that because I am a native English-speaker, there would be no problem being here in the US. Wrong!!!

Here is a classic:
setting the scene - myself and a collegue had travelled in my collegue's newly-purchased car to this electrical goods warehouse on the edge of the city. Unable to find a fan, which was what I was primarily out looking for, I approached the checkout counter and here is the conversation:

[me] do you have a fan?

(look of incomprehension from assistant)

[me] you know - one of those things which has the blades which go round and round (gesturing with hands and splayed fingers), which produces the jet of cool air (more gesturing of a rapid flowing-away-from movement) and...

[assistant] I don't know what you mean!

[me] Rainer - help me out here - could you help me explain what a fan is?

[assistant] Oh, you mean a FF-AE-AE-AE-AE-AE-AE-AE-AE-NNN!!!

    (* think of the vowel sound at the start of "aeroplane" but stronger and more nasal)

If this person involved ("the assistant") here recognises themself, I love you lots and lots, etc and I wouldn't have you be anyone else...!